Yes. This is a REAL conversation I had a few days ago. A glowing example of how to carry on a meaningful conversation…
I truly want to cultivate friendships that exist beyond just the surface. I mean, I discuss how to talk about more than just the weather with people on a weekly basis! Now I realize not EVERY conversation, EVERY single day is going to be an award-winning discussion about the meaning of life, but I like to have deeper conversations than the change in the weather.
Truthfully, this conversation was just fine. It was with a woman I had met only about 5 minutes prior. So, I am not beating myself up over here. But it did make me think a bit…
I had a wonderful conversation on the phone yesterday with a good friend from out of town. We immediately jumped in where we had left off months ago and before our 20 minute conversation was finished, we had both earnestly listened to each other, encouraged one another, and deeply complimented each other on strengths we see in each others’ response to the stuff of life.
Ahh! I felt refreshed and renewed when I got off the phone. I felt lighter.
You know what though? It didn’t just happen. Nope. We had to be vulnerable. We had to talk about things that mattered to us and purposefully be open to the others’ feedback. It can feel really scary to open up like this. And I don’t recommend doing this with the next person you see in line at the grocery store (as a rule, anyway). But when I am sincerely looking to deepen a friendship, I have to take a risk. I know I could leave feeling silly, stupid, or misunderstood. But, I have also learned that it is worth it! The rewards for developing great friendships is amazing!
So, how do you feel about your recent conversations? Deeply engaging and fulfilling? Yay for you! Not so much? Don’t fret about it, but instead create an opportunity to have one of those amazing conversations asap! It will require effort, it will require vulnerability, it will be WORTH IT! Tell me how it goes in the comments below. I can’t wait to hear your stories!
Bringing a little happiness into our daily life goes a long way toward living our full-color iridescent lives. And truly, happiness is a choice we make every moment of every day. As far as I can tell, no one does this better than my friend Dave Romanelli.
Dave has been talking about and living in the deliciousness in the moment for years and years. And guess what? His new book is called, Happy is the New Healthy and is all about enjoy life RIGHT NOW!
Here’s a bit from Dave about Happy is the New Healthy:
I am so excited to share with you my brand new book Happy is the New Healthy.
But before I tell you more…here is some kicka$s Native American wisdom as you head into the holidays. It came from the heart of a Native American healer who goes by the name Bob Bear The Medicine Man.
I met Bob Bear on my annual retreat to Sedona, Arizona (see below for more) which is the healthiest, happiest place in the nation, and widely considered one of the most spiritual places on the planet.
Bob Bear said, “Don’t need for things.
“The Great Spirit knows what you need and will provide.
“Your job here is not to need.
“Your job here is to DREAM in a way that lifts, heals, and inspires the world.
“Do your job, dream big, and magic will rain down on your life.”
For anyone out there who is stuck on their needs…
“I need more money.”
“I need more love.”
“I need more time.”
How about taking a little advice from Bob Bear The Medicine Man and daring to pry open your mind and embrace the greatest dream of all: the dream for total and complete happiness. To wake up each day feeling full in your heart and spirit…that’s what we live for!
Maybe you are already there.
But if you are ready to make 2015 the year of less needs and more DREAMS (which, by the way, is an incredibly liberating shift)…that’s the idea behind Happy is the New Healthy.
The premise of the book is to flip the wellness paradigm on its tightly toned a$$ and shift the priorities from losing weight, doing fancy yoga poses, and seeking the latest juice cleanse to…
…loving more deeply, living more passionately, and saying YES to the full fury of life.
If you are in the mood to celebrate happiness…and Happy is the New Healthy sounds like your kind of philosophy…
Get your copy of Happy is the New Healthy!
Someone asked me the other day why I do what I do (referring to this blog and my Facebook page). What’s the point in spending all that time coming up with content to brighten people’s day? Why study about meditation and chakras and oils and stones and self-care and take the time to post it on a Facebook page for a bunch of people I haven’t ever met in person?
Are you ready for a story? This is where it began:
Back when I was around 10 years old, my dad and I were out on the property (5 acres outside Oklahoma City) and had been to the garden to pick summer’s bounty of blackberries. By the time we had finished gathering berries and started heading back to the house, it was getting dark. We followed the path toward the house and dad was telling me about the stars. We came to the natural bridge between two little creeks where I would fish for crawdads by day and, to get a better look at the stars, we decided to just lay down there on the cool grass. He showed me how to locate a few constellations and that was cool, but the part that really struck me was the space and the freedom in that moment. We could have been there for 5 minutes or two hours. I don’t know. And I don’t care. What I do care about is that it was the first time I can remember being truly present in the moment and old enough to be able to “know” that I was being present.
Ever since then, I have longed for such moments in time. Moments when nothing else matters but NOW. Moments when all the cares of the world melt away. Moments when I am tangibly aware of the divine all around me. Sometimes I can find them in seemingly mundane moments of the day like sitting at a stop light or waiting for my kids to get out of school. Other times I find that same stillness in meditation or practicing yoga. I have realized that I can also find those moments when shopping for stones for someone or creating an essential oil kit that meets someone’s needs.
But do you want to know what my biggest take-away is? It’s not any ONE of those things that allows me to pause and breathe and experience the oneness with all things. It’s all of those things and MORE. The ability to find the peace and stillness isn’t found in one magical object or technique or practice. Finding and creating space for quieting our minds leads to our inner transformation. And that truly takes all of our lives to do. It’s not only in the 20 minute meditation before we get out of bed. That meditation sets us up for mindfulness so that when we get to the grocery store and the line is ridiculously long, instead of seeing a mini-tragedy, we see God. It’s not only the 90 minute yoga practice (no matter how awesome it is), but the attention to breath we carry with us long afterwards, so that when the stress of life happens we respond with a deep cleansing breath instead of a nervous breakdown.
The Source Energy isn’t only in those special moments when we set aside time to connect.
And this is why I do what I do. To live a life of practicing awareness in each moment and share my experiences along the way. Then to post those experiences on a random Facebook page so that all of us looking for those beautiful moments have a place to share them together.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. It is an honor to share it with you. Namaste.
There aren’t quite 10,000 ways I feel like I have failed this holiday season, but close!
I haven’t even bought Christmas Cards, much less addressed them or sent them, I haven’t decorated, I haven’t even been listening to much holiday music (which I ALWAYS do….well, except this year, I guess), I have only purchased a couple of gifts and have no thoughts on the un-purchased ones, we haven’t put up the tree…and the list goes on.
It seems the only thing I have felt “successful” at this holiday season is making sure I get an adequate number of holiday lattes in. No failing in this category! I have enjoyed those like no one else.
This list is much more fun to make:
Ok, that should give you a general idea. And don’t think there wasn’t a Snowman Cookie or Cranberry Bliss Bar or Peppermint Brownie thrown in from time to time, either! Because there most certainly was. Dear me….it’s a good thing I teach yoga everyday of my life…oh the calories…
It’s this: we can find a zillion things that we think we are failing at, especially during the holidays when we think we have to make everything picture perfect. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to our parents, our friends and the commercials on TV. You know what? TV is not real, and our friends struggle with their own stuff, as did (or do) our parents. Nobody (as in, no person on the planet) has it all together.
How about this? Let’s give ourselves a little grace. Release some of those expectations. If we see something that’s not working, let’s reframe it – instead of looking at it as a fail, let’s choose to see that now we know it doesn’t work. And the move on.
So, I am going to give myself permission to not be “perfect” this year. I am going to recognize the things that aren’t working, make some changes if they seem like a good idea, and then let the rest of it go. (I mean, am I really a bad person and total failure if I don’t listen to the Christmas radio station everyday? No, I don’t really think so.) And in the event I am having a hard time giving myself grace, I will play this little game: if my best friend told me she felt like an awful person because she hadn’t been listening to carols on the radio, what would I say to her?
So, my iridescent friends, let’s relax, breathe, and enjoy the full-color beauty in each moment, starting with this one. What is beautiful right this very second?
Just to clarify right off the bat, I do not now and have not ever been a drug-user. : ) But today, when I went to compulsively check the Facebook feed (don’t pretend I’m the only one, because I know I’m not!), I realized I have a “drug problem.” It’s not a pill I pop in my mouth, but it is my “drug of choice” I “use” to fill the emptiness, to numb the challenging feelings, to escape my reality for a few minutes. So, what’s your “drug of choice”?
I don’t think this is something we have to get all judgmental on ourselves about. But it is great awareness to have. What do I turn to when I think I can’t handle the day? What keeps me from experiencing what’s happening right here, right now? When I was scrolling through that Facebook feed, I came across a friend who posted that she had deleted the FB app off her phone simply because she realized she filled ALL the little gaps in her day with it. So, she got a bigger purse and put a BOOK in there to READ in her spare moments! What a concept! I am so inspired I am considering doing the same thing (thank you Skila, you trend setter)! You can check out other Skila-amazingness here: www.skilatheyoaggirl.com
So, thanks to Skila’s inspiration, I have decided to pause before I reach for my phone, or open my computer, or grab a chocolate, or any of those things that distract me from this moment and ask myself WHY I am doing so. If it’s because I am “using” it to take my attention away from my family or my friends or even my breath? If so, I intend to PUT IT DOWN and choose to simply “be” in this wonderful moment that has been given to me as a beautiful gift.
My entire family loves the Lord of the Rings movies. We watch them at least once a year, and most years even more than that. Well, last night was one of those nights – complete with popcorn and s’mores (with gourmet chocolate, of course)!
In The Twin Towers (movie number two), three of the characters, Aragorn (a man), Legolas (an elf) and Gimli (a dwarf) are running across the country-side in an effort to save two of their Hobbit friends (Merry and Pippin) from certain death. As you might imagine, Gimli, being a dwarf, is having some challenges keeping up with the much taller and leaner Legolas and Aragorn. As he seems to be about to give up, he says, “Keep breathing. That’s the key.”
Arguably, one of the oldest meditation and mindfulness practices around is breathing. Yup. Breathing. This seems too good to be true! We don’t have to read a manual or hire a coach or ANYTHING – this is something WE CAN DO!
Simply paying attention to our breath brings us into the present moment instantly, slows our heart rate, and takes our stress level down a notch!
Not sure if you believe me? Let’s give it a try…I’ll practice while I’m typing it, you practice while you’re reading it. Inhale. Feel the air coming in. Notice the movement in your body (tummy expanding, chest rising). Exhale. Feel the air moving out. Notice the contraction of your ribs and abdomen. Now, check in with your stress level – notice any change? I do, and I thought I was relaxed already!
Now imagine what might happen if you tried this little trick anytime you feel stress coming on, or as you drive in rush-hour traffic, or even stand in the grocery line. If you strung about 10 minutes’ worth of these purposeful-breath-things together everyday, I dare say, your life might even change for the better. It’s certainly not going to hurt anything! Give it a try and see what happens.
“Keep breathing. That’s the key.”
It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The sky is a gorgeous blue with the prettiest puffy clouds. I slept in this morning, had some breakfast, and am home with the fam for the afternoon. Everyone is doing their own thing. We are all healthy. We have everything we need.
I was thinking about writing something and all I could think was, “Do dragonflies ever have bad days?”
If I sit and ponder why I DO feel lifeless and blue, it’s because nothing exciting is going on. I don’t have anything on the schedule today and if I’m completely honest, I am fairly addicted to having something to DO. All. The. Time. I want to have an appointment to go to, or a yoga class to teach, or a coffee date with a friend. Or something. Anyone else ever do this? Can I get a witness?
So, I can’t really ask a dragonfly if they have bad days, but here’s why I don’t think they do:
Like this moment. Even if there’s nothing to do. Even if there’s lots to do. Even if they are with all the other dragonflies. Even if they are all by themselves. Every single moment is full of life for them.
One of my favorite yoga songs has this line – “Even loneliness is full of life.” And it is. So, I think I will take a lesson from the dragonflies and the yoga song and experience the fullness of the moment – even if it’s a little blue, or lonely, or downright boring. Because, really, the amazing moments are only amazing because of the ho-hum moments on a random, beautiful, Sunday afternoon.
One of the best ways I know to get in touch with the now is to do a presence meditation. The best ones for me, especially when I am so obviously dealing with a busy-ness addiction is to sit outside for 15-30 minutes and simply notice all the beauty around me. Whenever I get distracted with a thought (often), I just remind myself that I am practicing presence and come back to the observation. Sometimes this just doesn’t work and when that’s the case, I like to use a mindfulness app that gives me a little guidance.
And with that said – I am headed outside! I actually do feel better all ready. Amazing!